Pseudo Football Fans

Let`s rewind back to a few weeks ago--->Football was on everyone`s mind,heart,soul,lips,hips(waka waka) and of course tweets.Everyone who was anyone supported some random country and became a supposed die hard fanboy of that nation. They fight with rival fans with all their blood[no not physical fights,am talking about the twitter/fb fan wars] and get a faux sense of prestige when their favorite team wins a particular match. They give a second by second update on what happens during the match[dude, the whole fuckin world is watching the match...we know it when a player misses a goal!!]

Now Lets switch back to present scenario -----> ?????? Where have all the pseudo football fans gone?

It is sad and scary that Football world cup seems to be becoming more of a fad than a sports tournament. It is almost like you have to follow the world cup to be considered cool and "fit in" the group. Brazil seems to be the favorite team by default for Indians.

Some statistics:-
1. 70% of the football fans who come out of hibernation during fifa season have`nt even touched a football in their life.
2.95% of these pseudo fans do not know the name of any Indian football player except Baichung Bhutia(30% of which would`nt even know Baichung Bhutia if it was`nt for his presence in the celebrity dance show JHALAK DIKHLAjA)
3.95% of them have`nt played football in their lifetime. Now i know there are people even among cricket admirers who follow the game but do not play it but is`nt 95% too much?

Do not question these statistics for they have been researched and articulated by Arnab goswami.




NOTE:- Will be using some popular faces in this comic, the characters in this comic have nothing to do with the actual personalities though!


*DAY- Just before IPL-3*
*SITUATION:- 4 buddies who love cricket.. hanging together*




*DAY:- 1 day before fifa world cup began



















*SOME WEEKS LATER*

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CID and the case of the irritating PJ`S

The following is a parody on the show called C.I.D and the irritating "PJ" messages that are being forwarded daily. Read on and advanced sorry if i have hurt the sentiments of die hard fans of C.I.D.











Few moments later.....















On making a couple of phone calls daya gets the address of abujug..ACP and the gang head to the said address..They ring the door number of abujug but no one answers



















They find a bottle containing pink liquid inside the fridge.







few moments later...
















EPILOGUE:-

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How to become an intelligent movie buff

An year ago i did`nt know who Christopher Nolan and Quentin Tarantino were but now among my group of friends and in alot of internet forums i have huge respect for having a good knowledge of cinema.People ask me for my opinions and recommendations on movies.So what`s the secret of my success? It is just these ten step process that i followed and within no time i became an intellectual movie buff.Such ten step methods are available in other sites too but do not trust them because they are counterfeit and will turn you into a pseudo intellectual and not an intelligent movie buff.Some sites would tell you to register or pay credit in order to view the ten step process but in this blog you can view them for free...that's right FREE FREE FREE

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1.The first most important part is your PRESENTATION which basically means the DP(display photo) of your orkut/facebook profile.You should`nt have a photo of yours as your display even if your face is to brad pitt what hurman`s face is to hrithik`s. You must have a picture of some cult film personality as your DP.Just make sure that the cult personality you choose is`nt famous among the general audience.You should`nt have a tom hanks or a Steven Spielberg photo but of some cult figure who is`nt very popular among Indian general public.
For example:-Kubrick,Scorcese,Tarantino would perfectly fit the bill.


2.Every person who wants a job must have a Curriculum vitae as it is very important and will tell everything about you.Similarly to be an intelligent movie buff you must have an album(in your orkut/facebook profile) containing pictures of movies that you have seen.This does`nt mean that you can include any tom,dick,harry film like Jurassic park or Pirates of the Caribbean picture in that album..no, a strict NO! Only films that have been critically appreciated by American critics. Don`t be scared, it is ok even if you did`nt like that film.In fact it is ok even if you did`nt see the film.Simply take any top 10 movie list from Google,get the images of their posters and upload them! Make sure you avoid Indian films at all costs,try including films of Korea if possible.

3. If you are a really patriotic person and love India alot than you can include a few Indian films in that album and claim to be their fan. Criteria:-Either the Director`s name must be Anurag Kashyap or Vishal bharadwaj or the film must be a black and white pre-70`s release.

4.Criticism:- Now you are ready to take on the world and whilst you take on, you must maintain a tendency to criticize a particular film every now and than.Choose any film which you wish to but remember one thing if you are criticizing films like Twilight/Transformers/Harry potter feel free to use the most disgusting words as possible cause the more crappy words you use ,the more respect you gain.Once in a while you would have to criticise a decent/quite good film too,don`t use rubbish words in this case..go the politically correct way by constructively criticizing them.

5.Your reviews:- Now that you have become a critic your next step would be to review great films.Not to worry,even if your cinematic knowledge is weak,with our easy formulae you can be a good reviewer. The only Formula is "Adjective + cinematic term". Yup that`s it!All you have to do is take any adjective you like ,for example:-superb,brilliant,amazing,mind blowing etc and add a cinematic term to it like screenplay,cinematography,direction,acting etc.
Now all you have to do is say "awesome cinematography" "superb screenplay" etc and voila people start "liking" your status and start passing comments like "wow thanks,will definitely watch it"

6.This is the most important step cause this step will separate the intelligent buffs from the pseudo intellectuals!

Great Personalities/films you are not allowed to hate:-Godfather,Pulp Fiction,Kurosawa,Francis ford,Tarantino,Nolan,Kubrick,Hitchcock,David Lynch,Scorcese,Fellini,Welles,Citizen Kane etc

Great personalities/films you are allowed to hate:-James cameron,Steven Spielberg,Johnny Depp,Brad Pitt,Cruise and basically anyone who is good but famous among the general audience!

Personalities you must hate:Entire team of Transformers/Twilight/Harry potter


7.Occasionally talk about how you loved surreal films:-
Surreal films are those films which have no head or tail and are very self indulgent in nature.An average viewer cannot last more than ten minutes watching a surreal film and so this is the reason that you have to praise the movie to your friends and recommend them to watch it even though they would most probably be abusing youif they end up watching it.
Example of such films:-Lost highway,Donnie darko,No smoking etc

To review such films make use of phrases like "work of art" ,"hypnotizes you","takes you to a different world" etc

8.Show-off
Every good employee shows off by talking about his skills openly to higher officials so that he might stand a chance to get a promotion. Similarly you have to show people what are all the films you saw.Going to watch GODFATHER? What`s the first thing you should do? Login Twitter and type "#nw godfather". Saw any new film? The first thing you do immediately after finishing the film is login the site where you are active and mention it in your status message or post that movie`s poster in your album and rant on how this film has changed your life(when in reality it has`nt changed shit)

9.Foreign films
Talking about Hollywood is`nt enough,you have to talk about foreign films too.So what do you do? Go to imdb and find out the highly rated Japanese,Korean films...download them and immediately scream to everyone that these films are cult classic and that Indian cinema is not even 1% of these films.
Thats right you watch just one Japanese film and certify that Japanese cinema is greater than Indian cinema.You will receive huge respect by all foolish Indians who have a low self esteem about their country.

10.Be the tour DE force guy:-
Which means that your attitude should be such that you consider yourself as a guy with an I.Q of 200 even though you barely manage to pass in your practical examinations.Use a thesauraus to get complex sounding adjectives and make many "rare film" references in your review,like

"Nolan`s film is surely the most ambitious psychological thriller ever.His baroque imagination makes most director`s efforts look like breach pail sand castles alongside Mad King Ludwig`s Neuschwanstein Castle.Nolan`s film making fuses the Kubrick and Hitchcock style of film making"

[Above words are actually taken from a review]

[poor guy who is weak in English and has a low cinematic knowledge would be forced to Google the words "baroque","Kubrick" , "Hitchcock" and "Mad King Ludwig`s Neuschwanstein Castle" to know what the fuck you are talking about]

Also over-use the word "overrated".Anything you found just "good" but a section of people found it "slightly above good" than scream your lungs out on how over rated that film is.
And that`s it ! Following these ten steps you too can be an intellectual movie buff!

HAPPY REVIEWING!

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[CLICK PIC FOR PROPER VIEW]



This blog post is just my attempt to fusion three subjects 1)self mockery 2)satire and sarcastic view on the rise in "intelligent" movie buffs all over internet forums and a 3)parody on the late night American infomercials that come on Indian TV channels with a really bad dubbing voice.This post is also an attempt to indirectly show the horrors of intellectual movie buffs wasting productive time by watching multiple films everyday and discussing it on the internet when their career line has nothing remotely to do with cinema.

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Reviewing the bollywood reviewers

A good friend of mine from punjab requested me to post a write-up on the way our Bollywood film critics review films these days.So here goes.Well It is kind of ironic to say that "critics suck" cause if criticizing films suck than what about those who criticise the one who criticise films?? But unlike many of our desi pundits i have the common sense to admit that opinions are like assholes and that everyone has got one! Every second internet addict has become a film critic these days especially after the twitter boom.The reviews of these experts is no different from that of the general fan-boys with the exception that these critics get paid for doing what they do..however these internet addict film reviewers are less wrong when compared to how wrong our expert pundits are.Read on...

Some of the most popular Bollywood film critics are Taran Adarsh,Rajeev Masand and Raja Sen among others. Lets go through some of the pathetic yet disturbing ways they review films..pathetic because it just isn`t right and disturbing because there are thousands of people who might decide to go for a film or not based on their reviews.
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Taran,If you are going to reflect just the popular opinion(the masses) than why the hell do we need you? We can simply ask any roadside romeo or even our watchman or clerk on their opinion about the latest friday release.

Anurag Kashyap on Taran Adarsh-

"Taran Adarsh is the son of the person who made the film "Gupt Gyan". It is Taran's favorite movie. Whatever he knows about cinema is from that movie."

Although Taran`s knowledge about the artistic nuances of cinema is less than my dead great grand mother`s cinematic knowledge ,i still appreciate him for one reason that he does`nt force his opinion on the readers much and also maintains a decent standard in terms of language usage while reviewing films which the next bunch of critics do not..

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Rajeev Masand has a high taste in cinema which is an acquired taste after watching dozens of films from Honduras,Slovakia and other countries which you might have not even heard of. It is a good thing but why judge commercial masala bollywood films on the same scale as the 2-3 offbeat Dutch films that he saw? and most importantly why this huge bias for movies of Karan johar and Farah Khan? Where does his "sensible filmi khopdi" go while reviewing their films?
He even had the audacity to call a superstar like Akshay kumar as "jackass" openly in twitter to all his admirers,maybe if he had spent more time in the gym or actually doing something productive and developed at-least 1% the personality that Akshay is ,he could actually get some real admirers.

However Rajeev has come up with some really interesting points in some of his reviews and so is worth of a little appreciation which the next critics are totally not worth of.

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Yes,Khalid who made apologetic films on feminism like Fiza,Silsilay,Tehzeeb has been trashing films non stop for the last several years.
Talented film-maker Anurag Kashyap on Khalid mohammad-

"Chutiye tu retire ho ja , tera time khatam.”

As far as Raja Sen goes...he is`nt a reviewer. He is not a trade analyst.All he is, is a gimmick.He is born in this planet only for entertaining REDIFF users.Check out the comments under any of his reviews that he posts in REDIFF,trust me you will die laughing all day.Statistics say that 95% reviews of his film fail to cross the 2/5 rating mark.In one of his article he even bashed up films of kamal hassan and suggested him to make slapstick films,can you believe that!!


I do believe that a film is a commercial product and that everyone has the right to express what they thought about it but...SHUT THE FUCK UP U IDIOTS!! An expert critic does`nt force the reader/viewer not to watch the film but actually reviews it by presenting the film in a larger context such that the viewer will be able to decide for himself whether he would like to watch it or not.A good film critic will not just point at all the short comings of the film but will also rant on how the film could have been better or how the director should have handled the short comings.Please stop screaming your lungs out that how so and so actor or director`s career is finished . These aren`t reviews but just a pathetic attempt in displaying your humor.No one has the ability to speak on behalf of millions of people,not even God!

The only reviews which i found unbiased and intelligent were that of Bharadwaj Rangan and sadly most of them have`nt even heard of him.So does it mean that you get noticed and your reviews are read by a majority only if they are controversial or stupid? god only knows!

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Posted below are some of the shocking yet hilarious ratings by Taran Adarsh and Rajeev Masand:-


TARAN ADARSH

dev-d (1/5)
"There's no harm if you pick up an enticing story and tell it your way, but Kashyap goes a bit too far, crosses all limits and tends to get abstract once again. And that's the reason for DEV D's downfall. Watching DEV D is akin to doing atyachaar on oneself! On the whole, DEV D is NO SMOKING II. Does one elaborate more?"
[Did u even understand both the films u idiot?]

karzzzz 4/5
"At the box-office, the film should fetch a thunderous start and in due course, should be amongst the biggest achievers of the year in terms of business. Reincarnation themes have a super-successful track record, right from KARZ to KARAN ARJUN to OM SHANTI OM. Now add KARZZZZ to this list. Damn the pseudo critics who even rubbished KARZ three decades ago. Go by your instinct and have a blast!"
[pseudo critics eh?? FU]

Rang de basanti 2/5
"A.R. Rahman's music is ordinary. Barring Paathshala and the title track, Rahman's score doesn't stay with you after the screening has ended.Also, RANG DE BASANTI unfolds at a leisurely pace all through. After establishing the characters in the first 30 minutes, the story doesn't really race forward. The sepia-tone parallels are engaging at times, not always. Besides, the message that the film carries with it tends to get diluted towards the climax."

Kabhi alvida na kehna 4.5/5
"This is SRK's finest work after D.D.L.J."


Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham:-
"It has style, substance, it takes challenges and doesn't follow formulas -- and that is its biggest strength."
[LOL LOL LOL ,speechless]

Chak De India 2/5
"At best, it may attract attention initially thanks to the star power and the Numero Uno production house promoting it aggressively. But that's about it! "

and the worst of all,Krrish 4.5/5
"Free as a bird, he runs like the wind..Like an eagle, he soars across rivers and mountain tops..As a lion, he conquers rugged rocks without fear"
[WTF??????can there be a more immature review than this?]

DCH- 2/5,veer zara 4.5/5,dhoom2 4.5/5,singh is kinng 4/5,welcome 4/5,thoda pyar thoda magic 4/5

There are many more such examples.

There are many fans of Taran Adarsh who claim that he is a trade analyist and not a critic and an accurate trade anayist at that.That is false, he is far from accurate even when considered as a trade anayist for he has given 4/5 ratings for disasters like loc kargil,paheli,eklavya,karzzz etc and a 2/5 rating for big hits like rnbdj,kmg,rdb etc




RAJEEV MASAND
His comments on KURBAAN:-
"Stripped to its bone, Rensil D'silva's Kurbaan is an edge-of-the-seat thriller that seldom loses its grip on your attention.Credible performances from its leads, and a nail-biting screenplay make up for the plot holes that threaten to eat into this otherwise engaging film."


Rajeev`s ratings:

MNIK-3/5 , kank- 4/5 , oso-3/5 and a thumbs up for kurbaan,dostana,main hoon na etc while thumbs down for majority of the other commercial/masala Bollywood films.
Whats even more shocking are ratings like 2/5 for Clooney`s superb oscar nominated film called "Michael clayton" and a 3/5 for retiesh deshmukh`s aladin which is probably Bollywood`s biggest disaster ever.

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Beware the self promoter

A new virus is spreading all throughout social networking sites.Arnab Goswami of TIMES NOW claims that Indians are affected by this deadly virus the most and that 1 out of every 10 Indians addicted to social networking sites seem to show symptoms of being affected by this virus. The name of this virus is - SELF PROMOTION.

Yes,am talking about that pathetic section of people in the internet world called "self promoters"(not to be confused with spammers).This virus had originated in orkut when a bunch of people who were really shy snd reserved in real life realised that there was no reason to be shy in the internet world,they realised that internet is a tool where they could show the world their strength,their power because if you abuse someone in real world they would attack you but in the internet world...they cannot do ANYTHING! And hence the virus was born and had spread everywhere.

Symptoms of this disease:
Maximum photos in their album would describe about their achievements, no don`t be fooled am not talking about getting distinction in 12`th boards or getting selected in your state cricket team.No not those kind of achievements.Their albums would be filled with screenshots of their own self proclaimed achievements,like...

-Editing your profile pic by adding an "ACCOUNT VERIFIED" tag in it and uploading it in your profile proudly proclaiming that orkut/facebook admins know you personally and thats how your account got verified.

-Using Greasemonkey scripts to enhance the style of your web pages but proclaiming to the world that you are a master in web designing which apparently makes you nothing less than God!


Other symptoms would include the abuse of the usage of the "status message" space in facebook,some horrendous self promoting status messages like...
"wanted to buy an i-pad to know what the hype was all about...went to the market but it wasnt available so had to settle for an itouch"(ahh subtle!)

"Hey all!My nokia cell which has an airtel sim isn`t working right now so will be using my samsung corby which has a docomo sim for now..however the docomo rates are high so have put my vodafone sim in my corby..so remember please call me on my vodafone number now but sorry the voice quality won`t be great cause am using corby and not nokia n series"(zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

"oh wow twitter has put up my profile pic in their homepage!! did`nt know i was so popular! Here is the screenshot of the twitter home page.." (posts a link of an MS paint edited pic)

Yes every single status update would be a reminder to their friends on how freakin` popular/great/busy they are.Such people would even tend to warn their friends if they go offline for ten seconds just incase if any of their friends starts worrying when it takes a whole one minute for him to reply.There are 99% chances that such people have an "its complicated" as their relationship status.Maybe if these people spent more time in real life than in pseudo-world they would figure out if they are actually in a relationship or not.



Such people don`t actually meet too many people.They rarely do anything productive,do not engage in human interaction yet claim to the world that they have many friends.Sad really.If you want to promote yourself but cannot afford a decent PR than you can be sure that this virus would attack you next! Hope this warning is an awareness for all the people out there and here`s hoping that the next victim of this virus isn`t you!
Here is an example of how a self-promoter`s orkut album would look like

http://www.orkut.co.in/Main#Album?uid=18077190329384452290&aid=1


Yes i too was badly affected by this virus while i was active in orkut,happy to say that this virus is finally off me! However a new virus has affected me now and it is called SPAMMING..poor friends of mine in yahoo messenger!

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Criticizing the Critics of Akshay Kumar

I thought of writing such an article for Shahrukh first cause it was apparently a fad for certain movie buffs to criticize SRK.However these days the focus has shifted from Srk to Akshay Kumar.Every second critic in every website or internet forums criticizes and bashes Akshay Kumar for the silliest of reasons to the extent of even calling him a "jackass", so decided to talk about Akshay`s critics first and than Srk some other day.



A complete natural actor:

First of all what these critics must understand is that Akshay is just an actor in the film. He did`nt write the script/screenplay and neither did he direct it. While checking out the reviews of Khambhakt Ishq i noticed that majority of the critics fully blamed Akshay for how bad the film was, i don`t remember anyone bashing the director(whose poor direction was the main reason for how bad the movie turned out to be). When was the last time that Akshay gave a poor performance or hammed in a film?

He isn`t and never claimed to be a method actor,he does all his roles in his own way and gives a very good performance in all his films but sadly in India actors are judged based on how the film turns out to be and not based on how the performance was. Look at Hollywood`s Johnny Depp,none of his films are close to being classics and his last film sucked but still he is considered amongst the best method actor of this generation!

Even in a disastrous film called JAANI DUSHMAN which is probably the worst film of bollywood history(sonu nigam`s acting in it being the worst performance in bollywood history) you see Akshay being the only decent thing about the film.

Be it action(tashan),comedy(hera pheri),romance(namastey london) or drama(khakee) he plays it all naturally and rarely does a bad job as an actor.In an horrendous film like TASHAN,he gave one of the best performance of that year!

-aren`t these signs of a very good actor? Is the final output of how the film turns out to be need to affect our opinion of how his performance was in those films?









A Self made man:

He along with Shahrukh are probably(surely) the last superstars of Bollywood who aren`t from filmi families.He had to claw his way from the bottom and reached such heights without much support from big banners.No other actor has faced that many failures as much as Akshay in his beginning days.But still the man did`nt deter and took every failure as a stepping stone.



As a person Akshay never resorts to cheap publicity(now i know you would be thinking about the RK laxman incident but please check out his tweets before jumping to conclusions.There was never a time when he took digs at other actors for the sake of his film`s publicity.He is very spiritual,loving and a gem of a human being who never even bothered to reply to a critic called Rajeev Masand for his jackass comment making him the better man.He has an amazing personality and if you are on of those who insult him by talking about his "chest hair" than must say... you are so gay!







His best performances:

I consider the following as his best performances as an actor -

1.Hera pheri(birth of Akshay the comedian since Mr and Mrs Khiladi did`nt get the response it deserved)

2.Jaan-e-mann(which A-list actor would play second fiddle to Salman? that too in a geeky/nerdy role?)

3.Mujhse Shaadi Karoge(another awesome collaboration with Salman,stealing the show all the way)

4.Khakee(amazing range of emotions transforming from a con-cop to a real human being)

5.Mr and Mrs Khiladi (very under-rated comedy film,highly recommended,his chemistry with khader khan was even better than govinda-khader khan jodi in several films)

6.Tashan (a raw comic role,if only this was a cult film than this performance would have got the praise it deserved)

7.Garam Masala(John abraham,paresh rawal were shrudded into pieces and were no match to akshay)

8.Namastey London(brilliant)

other awesome ones include sangharsh,jaanwar,ajnabi,khiladi and few others





To Akshay Kumar:

The industry needs Superstars like you! Hope you keep on doing multiple number of films a year,may they gain good profit and be liked by those who like your kind of comedies(the masses) and get the industry out of depressions and recessions.But at the same time hope you change your direction a bit and start doing good scripted films too cause sadly this industry will judge you only on how your film is and not how you were in the film!



Note:

I did not like any of Akshay`s films of recent past(post namastey london) but i just feel that the way the critics bash him is totally unfair.





---------------------------------

i take back everything.

this guy is gone case now.

Hope he comes back.

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No self-respecting woman would watch Twilight

Twilight, the epic series...oops saga is about a love story between a vampire and a really clumsy/stubborn girl and about the complications in their relationship.No it isn`t another one of those sugar coated cute rom-coms that girls like. But infact Twilight is nothing less than a catastrophe made to ruin girls` minds. This is one of those epic disasters that while watching the viewer would feel that his intelligence is being ridiculed.Here are some problems that i have with Twilight:

Ruining the vampire`s image:-Vampires are blood sucking monsters that are supposed to scare your guts out.Vampires die when exposed to sunlight,they do NOT sparkle like some gay tooth fairies(Yes! vampires in this film actually sparkle when exposed to sunlight).Vampires are supposed to be scary not beautiful! Stephenie has made hundred`s of references in the novel expressing the beauty of Edward Cullen.Edward has no fangs and neither has the urge to drink blood.Apparently he is a "vegetarian" vampire which means that he sucks on animals and not humans.Vegetarian?? Can there be a bigger mockery of VampireS?

Twilight is stephenie`s wet dream:
A muscular werewolf with 6 pack Abs,a myserious "beautiful" vampire all behind an average clumsy,i-always-get-into-trouble girl Bella...Yes! Twilight is nothing more than a wet dream that Stephenie had. Most of the pages describe Edward`s beauty with traits such as bronze hair and topaz eyes.Edward is nothing but a fictional pansy vampire who is made of some white stone and sparkles.Stephenie Meyer`s "wet" dream man whom she sleeps with in lala-land only cause there is no one in real life ready to sleep with her.


Twilight is not for the self respecting female:
Bella is a teenager who is ready to give up everything-from her family to her friends to even giving up pursuing higher studies all just to be with Edward.Their love isn`t romantic but stalker-ish and really really disturbing! Edward follows where ever Bella goes and even secretly stares at her when she sleeps(Bella actually is delighted when she comes to know this,a normal girl would get totally freaked out).Apart from this, the entire relationship is controlled by Edward. He takes a break from the relationship when he wishes too and comes back when he wishes too(New moon),he over-rules her opinions.When Edward leaves her,Bella goes into depression mode and turns into a lifeless "zombie" for several months until Edward returns. Bella is toally dependant on Edward and is helpless and loses all her happiness when Edward leaves.In the later stages of New Moon, Bella figures out that she hears Edward`s voice when ever she tries to cheat death and so creates many haphazard situations for herself just in order to hear Edward`s voice(delusion).There is also a situation where Bella gets "bitch"napped by a character called James and instead of fighting for her life all she does is sit back and wait for Edward to come and rescue her.

Girls(twilight fans) this ain`t true love,this is insulting yourself! Learn to respect yourself and your identity,don`t idolize a woman who is submissive,non self depandant and insecure like Bella.


Character Development:
One of the reasons why Lord of the Rings is miles ahead of Harry Potter which in turn in miles ahead of Twilight is because of character development! Twilight displays absolute zero character development.All there is needed to be known about the character can be deduced within a few minutes.Edward is a cardboard cutout character with no personality and is there only to provide eye candy for the teen-age girls.20% of the books is filled with references of Edward`s "beauty".




The Awful Writing:
Stephenie deliberately makes her writing complicated but don`t be fooled, she is just pretentious and does this to sound intelligent.For example the words "small town" becomes "diminutive municipality","Yellow" becomes "topaz". There are such horrible wrong context of usage of words in almost every page.

Rightly said by writer Stephen King(His works have been made into movies like Shawshank Redemption,Green mile,The shining,the mist etc) -"J.K Rowling is a terrefic writer but Stephenie Meyer can`t write worth a darn"




The fangirls:
If you think the sickening characters,the worthless plots and the horrendous writing are bad than let me assure you that they aren`t the worst.What`s worse are the fangirls! Twilight fans are little obnoxious teenage girls who would be ready to sell their souls to satan in order to get a chance to meet Edward or Jacob.These fans have divided themselves into "team edward" and "team jacob" and bitch slap each other in internet forums. Their obsession for Edward makes me doubt if they are lesbians? Because it is obvious that Edward wears lipstick, it is impossible not to notice it while watching the movie(god imagine Indian girls idolizing Uday chopra of niel n nikki who also puts on lipstick). The girls who idolize the character Jacob, makes me wonder if they are pedophiles? Jacob is a friendly werewolf who was in love(one sided) with Bella throughtout the series and in the finale falls in love with Edward and Bella`s "baby"!! thats right BABY!!

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P.S I am no fan of harry potter/transformers/lord of the rings

P.P.S Sorry have been bashing alot in my blog recently(but if you cared to notice i don`t bash just for the sake of it,there is always some deep meaning in the blog posts where i bash) anyway promise to come up with some non bashful posts in the future

P.P.P.S Although kristen`s one expression biting-the-lips acting sucked in Twilight,she was awesome in a movie called PANIC ROOM and she even played a small but delicious role in a cult movie called INTO THE WILD. Robert was ok in harry potter but sucks in all his other films while i have not seen any other movie of Taylow Lautner.

P.P.P.P.S I admit i did`nt the read the books completely in one go,just read in parts..believe me i tried...but..just...could`nt!

P.P.P.P.P.S Below is a pic of an actual conversation i had with an ex-gf
[CLICK ON PIC TO ENLARGE]

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